Think your all cool in your brand new car? Truth is you're the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood. We're all so sick of your silly outdated forward thinking business model. It's leaking into your personality. You took all that dog shit energy and bought a car. A Hyundai? What's wrong with you. I'm 2 houses away and can hear the dingle when you forget to put on your seatbelt. Despicable.

Furthermore, if you don't think we weren't all rolling our eyes at the dinner party last weekend... Going on and on about fuel economy... Your feeble attempt at modesty went noticed. It makes me sick. Listen here. Take that ugly ironed LL crewJ bean bullshit button down shirt and shove it up your ass. Quit your job too. Your house is way too big. I hate what success has done to you. It's time for you to take a swim in the ocean of modesty. Allow me to introduce you to your gondola. Step one. Take your stupid ass flex fuel Hyundai and drive it off a cliff. Step 2 buy a Ford Taurus. Nobody will take you even a little bit seriously until you roll up at the office in one of those badboys.

 

Imagine it, you're in date mode. Fully equipped with breath mints and condoms, you have almost everything to get the job done. You hop in your Hyundai, drive to her house and knock on the door. She opens the door and you somehow convince her to get in your car. There's bluetooth everywhere, and the carpet is all "maintained." This girl is now scared to touch the radio let alone you. REWIND. The same scenario again. Imagine it, you're in date mode. Fully equipped with breath mints and lemon scented prophylactic, you have almost everything to get the job done. You hop into your Ford Taurus, drive to her house and knock on the door. She opens the door, and you don't have to convince her to get in your car, for it is the same make and model she lost her virginity in many years ago. She knows what time it is. She hops in and puts her feet up on the dash and begins to dig through the mixture of garbage and CDroms that you have crammed between the seats and piled on the floor... She finds music that is suitable as you drive away. It's Eric Clapton, but it's only coming out of the right speaker. Thank god, the guitar is now 20% louder than normal and she can't hear all the lame dumb shit you're saying. The A/C is broken. It's been broken for years. You have the windows rolled down to compensate. To increase airflow you press the pedal deep into the stained carpet, accelerating. Suddenly you just became the wild boy from high school that every father in North America was worried about... 

 

So it's time to make a choice.

 

Are you down with being Mr. Cool?

Or are you just going to be the jackass with the white shirt and Hyundai. 

the choice is easy. Buy a Taurus.

 

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